Friday, March 05, 2010

Why? Why Now? Why Me? But, Still So Blessed

You all know how positive a person I am. But it is becoming so difficult every day.

Everything of any significance that I NEEDED to happen or fall into place correctly this week, singly or in total, went wrong or led into brick walls. Non-stop. But, I continued to laugh it off, and continued to plug away as I have for the last nearly 2 nightmare years.

But, it just does not stop. The surreally bad week ended just now with my lifeline iPhone 3GS falling out of my pocket (when the earphone cable snagged a chair & yanked it out), falling face down, on tiled floor and being smashed to pieces :-( .

This was just unbelievable bad luck and bad timing because it is the only phone and net connection I had. And, due to the real difficult time in my life, I can't afford to replace it right now.

"Why? Why now? Why me?" were the words of the song "Suzanna, I'm Crazy Loving You" that came to my mind (and the expression on my face, I am sure).

But, as I was walking home from where it happened, devastated at the new challenges that poses, the way things are rapidly crashing, and as all I built over 21 years vanishes before my eyes, the feeling of despair for the unnecessary and unfair loss, I considered how blessed I am.

I am so blessed --- in the dream life I have had, still have now with being alive, healthy & able, and the amazing life that lies ahead, once these worst days are over. God willing. So, Thank You, God, for all the blessings.

Your prayers in these toughest days of my life are appreciated.

1 comment:

Susie Wilson Image - VAMP® Etiquette Finishing School said...

To my dear Friend Imran,
Your blog has touched me~ well in response to what you have written, it made me think about my life and what I have been through from my heart and with honest intent.
On a cold winters morning back in 1993, I woke up to find my beautiful baby boy blue!
My heart stopped and everything I use to feel stopped.
My then husband was a policeman for the New Zealand Police force and was on duty,
I called him up on the telephone and spoke some words that resembled muttering.

Within what was deep pain of saddness and became so one dimenional I feel apart.
The sunshine that I worshiped and made me feel so wonderfully happy didn't matter to me any more.
I remember I stood at the beginning of a corridor that curved gently to the right, I followed the corridor until I walked into a cold sterile room where my baby was taken. From that moment I can't remember much.
My warm blood was replaced with ice the chakra energy centres of my body stopped producing, I was overcome by grief.

My own specific purpose and reason for being here didn't mean anything to me anymore.
My entire world died~ where I had a lot of Love it was being replaced by hate~ where I always saw light~ I started to live in darkness, when I tried to focus I couldn't.

As I was sitting in the garden my darling daughter just laughed and I watched her find the smallest act funny, then I laughed with her, then my laughter became tearful.
From that day I started seeing angels again and felt love again and was moved by the simplest of things.
I viewed the grief as growth and loss as being so alive, that my personal pain must hurt for me to understand that with life we hurt, I dicovered that wisdom comes from power used only with love.

My darling friend whatever has happened to you over these years will only open you up for greatness!
I love you deeply my friend.
Sincerely with a smile,
Susie Wilson
Melbourne City

Please excuse any typo's as I am writing this from my Blackberry and the screen small!