Monday, April 10, 2006

What's In a Name? The Making of "Muslims Gone Wild™"

These days companies spend millions of Dollars to make up new names for their business, service or product. 

Some try to get cute and others make up words that have no meaning. For example, Xerox or Google. Others go even more crazy, making words with missing letters. Motorola's widlly successful RAZR phone is an example of that.

Online companies go even crazier.  There are companies with names like frappr, flickr, and so on.  The problem is that for most such companies, unless they do millions of dollars more in advertising, we consumers have no way of knowing what a company does. Can you tell what names like flickr, frappr, snapfish, zazzle have to do with what the company does? I can't.

In this sea of crazy names it is ironic that one of the best known franchises, one of the best known brand names of recent years has been a company called, Girls Gone Wild. 

Even if you do not know, or WANT to know, what these guys sell, you instantly know what the product is about. They make and sell videos of "nice girls" doing wild things at parties, at the beach, in school, etc. As you can imagine, this is one case where an accurate, catchy, company name can lead to Sales Gone Wild.

So, it may come as a shock to you that I am using this company for inspiration for a new Muslim product line. Since I do not plan to enter the soft porn or nudie pictures business anytime soon, what could I have in mind?

After seeing everything that is going on around the world, things being done by my so-called fellow Muslims, I have decided to start a company to market videos, DVDs, CDs, etc. under a brand new label - "Muslims Gone Wild™!" 
Here is what you can expect.

Girls Gone Wild shows dozens of nice girls wildly dancing, Muslims Gone Wild will show thousands of supposedly moral God-loving Muslims dancing and wildly flailing their arms in anger. Girls Gone Wild shows girls smooching just about everyone, to the tunes of Death To Smoochie. Muslims Gone Wild will show Muslims kissing common sense goodbye, to the tunes of Death to America. 

Girls Gone Wild show it all, Muslims Gone Wild will just blow it all. I expect sales to be hot, especially you see Muslims Gone Wild burning lots of American flags. Girls Gone Wild do not even show burning bras, so my product line has a definite advantage here.

Girls Gone Wild merely includes speakers blowing, mostly loud music. Muslims Gone Wild will show Muslims blowing up churches, synagogues, and even the mosques of fellow Muslims. I expect sales to be quite, well, explosive!

In Girls Gone Wild you see plenty of booze flowing and topless girls dancing to the music of ZZ Top. The comparable version of Muslims Gone Wild will show innocent people's blood flowing, all killed in the name of God, set to the great words of famous rap-sheetsters Bin Laden and ZZ Blow Top.  

Here Z and Z stand for Zawahiri and Zarqawi, my fellow Muslims' major contribution to the social scene in recent years. This version will be rated AQ, for AlQaeda.

I think I am on to something big here. Think about it. There are almost 1.3 BILLION Muslims as a potential audience for my new product line. Girls Gone Wild can only target a small population of mostly male, above 18, American college kids, OK, and maybe some older males too. But, in every sense, Muslims Gone Wild will blow away Girls Gone Wild. I expect the competition to lay down their arms, and give us the shirts off their backs. Maybe their bras too.

I can even see the possibility of Muslims Gone Wild taking over Girls Gone Wild. I feel if Muslims Gone Wild were laid end-to-end with Girls Gone Wild.... well, it would be the best thing for them. You could call it a marriage made in heaven. Or four marriages.

Imagine the global consumer benefits. The merged company could then offer 72 non-virgin girls gone wild, or four wives, to every muslims ready to kill himself or blow his top. They'd be too tired to get up to "Just Blow It".

Though there's no guarantees this would keep Lizzie Grubman off the street, at least other, younger, and prettier, drunken girls will get off the streets... the Muslims will, well, just get off. The beaches will be safer from drunken teens or bombing mujahideen. Even if AlQaeda tries to recruit these Muslims, they will be so busy with keeping the girls, or the four wives, from fighting each other, they won't have time to blow anything up, and the world will finally know a thousand years of peace. 

I now have to sign off and go back to the DVD player to watch some Girls Gone Wild videos.... purely for research of course for Muslims Gone Wild.

You see, I'm not just the President of Muslims Gone Wild, I'm also a customer!

9 comments:

darkstar said...

Slow weekend?...I have something I'd like to hear your opinion on, Iran and it's future in the region and America's role in their future...Only recently looking at a map of the region, I see they have become surrounded by American, can we say Imperialism?...Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia, Iraq, Israel and our new buddies India...Draw a line thru them, looks like a firing squad!...

Chase said...

Imperialism? Hmmm, imperialism would include the extraction of natural resources for the enrichment of the "mother" country? Or has the definition been changed or altered for your anti-American purposes and angst?

Anyway, I thought this was an interesting column. No, I can't say as I would buy it. But I would think there would be plenty of opportunities - do they allow cameras in Mecca to watch the annual stampede and trampling of 1,000s? Strategically placed, your cameras could capture the unnecessary slaughter as the supporters of two rival Imams rouse their fans to murderous frenzies. Or go and film the dismembering kite flying traditions....how about the women who suffocate in their burkhas when they trample each other as recently seen in Pakistan. Gee, I wonder if the "murderous American conquest, subjugation, occupation, and rape of Iraq and Afghanistan" has killed nearly as many Muslims as Muslim fantacism and stupidity has alone in the past three years?

Imran Anwar said...

Hello Chase. Your posting shows you to be a bigger moron than I was giving you credit for. Your analogies are so dumb, like, shall I say, 32000 Americans (10 times more than 9/11) die EVERY YEAR from car accidents. So, should we start bombing GM and Ford as terrorist organizations? Or does it prove Americans (like you) are retards who should keep walking and not do something intelligent as driving, considering how many get killed every year?

Imran Anwar said...

By the way, darkstar, I think you are very correct in what you see happening on the globe in that part of the world. My fear is two-fold, one that the region will stand up and get violent (more than now) against us, and secondly, we can now expect Russia and China to start making military moves in the region to ensure they are not sidelined and then surrounded by US satellite states. Remember, they know how this works as they used this method of surrounding countries one by one, for decades. Cold War II, here we come.

Imran

genuine_person said...

Hey God! That's a very bold piece, Imran, esp what you've written about the muslims. Hope nobody imposes a fatwa on you!

the_truth said...

My God, that's a very bold piece from a muslim on the muslims.Hope nobody imposes a fatwa on u!

Imran Anwar said...

Maybe I can get rich and famous like Salman Rush2die. A FatWar on Anwar?

Imran

Let said...

Is this a kindler, gentler "Chase"?

Btw, don't knock the V3 Razr. It's a cute, if operationally dysfunctional phone. Being Americans, what matters is that it looks good. Not that it works. You can't have it all.

Imran Anwar said...

Hey, as a Muslim, I never knock any sharp product, especially a RAZR. :-) Also, it is the phone that saved Motorola and I have had several friends buy them. Great phone, HORRIBLY STUPID user interface and phonebook feature.

Chase, from many of his writings, appears to be intelligent and articulate, but then some Stepford Wives (Virginia Employees?) type curtain falls on him sometimes and he sees everything through a "you must be Michael Moore's lover" curtain when in fact it is Bush-blinders that he has on. I do not mind posting his comments as they are usually intelligent even if he does not agree with me. SOME have been stooooopid and I have called him on them, but mostly they are intelligent, even if wrong :-)

Imran