Monday, April 10, 2006

What's In a Name? The Making of "Muslims Gone Wild™"

These days companies spend millions of Dollars to make up new names for their business, service or product. 

Some try to get cute and others make up words that have no meaning. For example, Xerox or Google. Others go even more crazy, making words with missing letters. Motorola's widlly successful RAZR phone is an example of that.

Online companies go even crazier.  There are companies with names like frappr, flickr, and so on.  The problem is that for most such companies, unless they do millions of dollars more in advertising, we consumers have no way of knowing what a company does. Can you tell what names like flickr, frappr, snapfish, zazzle have to do with what the company does? I can't.

In this sea of crazy names it is ironic that one of the best known franchises, one of the best known brand names of recent years has been a company called, Girls Gone Wild. 

Even if you do not know, or WANT to know, what these guys sell, you instantly know what the product is about. They make and sell videos of "nice girls" doing wild things at parties, at the beach, in school, etc. As you can imagine, this is one case where an accurate, catchy, company name can lead to Sales Gone Wild.

So, it may come as a shock to you that I am using this company for inspiration for a new Muslim product line. Since I do not plan to enter the soft porn or nudie pictures business anytime soon, what could I have in mind?

After seeing everything that is going on around the world, things being done by my so-called fellow Muslims, I have decided to start a company to market videos, DVDs, CDs, etc. under a brand new label - "Muslims Gone Wild™!" 
Here is what you can expect.

Girls Gone Wild shows dozens of nice girls wildly dancing, Muslims Gone Wild will show thousands of supposedly moral God-loving Muslims dancing and wildly flailing their arms in anger. Girls Gone Wild shows girls smooching just about everyone, to the tunes of Death To Smoochie. Muslims Gone Wild will show Muslims kissing common sense goodbye, to the tunes of Death to America. 

Girls Gone Wild show it all, Muslims Gone Wild will just blow it all. I expect sales to be hot, especially you see Muslims Gone Wild burning lots of American flags. Girls Gone Wild do not even show burning bras, so my product line has a definite advantage here.

Girls Gone Wild merely includes speakers blowing, mostly loud music. Muslims Gone Wild will show Muslims blowing up churches, synagogues, and even the mosques of fellow Muslims. I expect sales to be quite, well, explosive!

In Girls Gone Wild you see plenty of booze flowing and topless girls dancing to the music of ZZ Top. The comparable version of Muslims Gone Wild will show innocent people's blood flowing, all killed in the name of God, set to the great words of famous rap-sheetsters Bin Laden and ZZ Blow Top.  

Here Z and Z stand for Zawahiri and Zarqawi, my fellow Muslims' major contribution to the social scene in recent years. This version will be rated AQ, for AlQaeda.

I think I am on to something big here. Think about it. There are almost 1.3 BILLION Muslims as a potential audience for my new product line. Girls Gone Wild can only target a small population of mostly male, above 18, American college kids, OK, and maybe some older males too. But, in every sense, Muslims Gone Wild will blow away Girls Gone Wild. I expect the competition to lay down their arms, and give us the shirts off their backs. Maybe their bras too.

I can even see the possibility of Muslims Gone Wild taking over Girls Gone Wild. I feel if Muslims Gone Wild were laid end-to-end with Girls Gone Wild.... well, it would be the best thing for them. You could call it a marriage made in heaven. Or four marriages.

Imagine the global consumer benefits. The merged company could then offer 72 non-virgin girls gone wild, or four wives, to every muslims ready to kill himself or blow his top. They'd be too tired to get up to "Just Blow It".

Though there's no guarantees this would keep Lizzie Grubman off the street, at least other, younger, and prettier, drunken girls will get off the streets... the Muslims will, well, just get off. The beaches will be safer from drunken teens or bombing mujahideen. Even if AlQaeda tries to recruit these Muslims, they will be so busy with keeping the girls, or the four wives, from fighting each other, they won't have time to blow anything up, and the world will finally know a thousand years of peace. 

I now have to sign off and go back to the DVD player to watch some Girls Gone Wild videos.... purely for research of course for Muslims Gone Wild.

You see, I'm not just the President of Muslims Gone Wild, I'm also a customer!
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