TOP (SECRET) 10 List From Bush "War Council" Meeting

The media has reported that the man in the White House (it is really difficult to call him President) George W. Bush and his henchmen and henchbutch Condi Rice had a high level strategy session about Iraq.

Wow. 3 years after they started the wrong war, they actually want to start planning! And Bush has an MBA? Hopefully not in Strategy - or the value of my Columbia MBA just went to Zero.

But was this meeting they had a "high level strategy session" ????

Is that what it's called when the conversation is probably something like my Top 10 list of things they discussed...

10. "Cool, we killed Zar... what's his name? Oh, ok, Zawahiri is the other evil guy with glasses, this is the evil guy with New Balance sneakers. Nyuck, nyuck. I prefer Nikes myself, much better for falling off a bike, and, and, and, they, they, they, uhhhuhhh, they twist the ankle less when I fall off the untoppleaciously stabilitized Segway."

9. "OK, OK, listen up, what do you think I drop in on the troops in EyeRack and carry in Zarqawi's head on the platter I used for the fake turkey at the Thanksgiving PR stunt?"

8. "No, Mr. President, we cannot claim that Mr. Cheney shot Zarqawi in the face."

7. "Yes, Sir, Mr. Cheney, I'll check if Haliburton wants the no-bid contract to rebuild the unsafe house we bombed Zarqawi in."

6. "No, sir, he died before we could torture him but we're working the corpse for intel and for some cool photos to take with him."

5. "Yes, Sir, Mr. Rumsfeld, we found a dead chicken in that house so we're ordering $100 million of bird flu vaccine from your company."

4. "No, Sir, no one will believe if we plant pictures of Hilary and Al Gore hugging Zarqawi at a Vietnam war protest, Sir."

3. "Rummy, you're doing a hell of a job - at least I can now sneak into Iraq for a quick photo op. I know I'll be greeted as the Decider Liberator... but let's make sure to fly in secretly so no one knows I am there."

2. "Is there a way we show some fake satellite photos at the UN to say Zarqawi was an Iranian nucular scientist married to that North Korean's sister?"

and

1. "Yes, Sir, the MISSION ACCOMPLISHED banner is ready and good to go."

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© 2006 IMRAN