Monday, August 07, 2006

We’ll Always Have Paris (Hilton)

It just seems that our favorite famous-for-being-famous celebrity just cannot stay out of the news. First she could not keep new sex tapes from coming out. For a woman who was recently seen wearing $3 MILLION worth of jewelry, it is amazing that she did not pay her bill for a storage locker and the stuff was auctioned off. But the question is, how many sex tapes does this girl have, that she needs a huge storage locker in a warehouse! I guess her story and her video tapes will remain a timely topic for decades to come.

Yet, Paris Hilton appears more hungry for attention than an Ethiopian refugee starving for food after a decade old-famine. She recently claimed she is the "blonde icon" of our times. Now, don't get me wrong, I love blondes. But, it's bimbos I cannot stand.

So many times Ms. Hilton says or does things that make her appear to be the "bimbo icon" of our times. But, a quick analysis of her antics, and even the timing and constant timeliness of her sex-tapes release (more consistent and reliably scheduled than many Hollywood sequels!) suggests that the girl is anything but a bimbo. She is simply a businesswoman cashing everything in, all the time. She may not have Madonna's ability to "re-brand" or "re-engineer" herself, but, in terms of exploiting her station in life and the short shelf life of most celebrities, especially those created out of scandal, Paris Hilton may be forever. Here's what I think about her story.

Once upon a time - until a few years ago, life was simple. You were either born super-wealthy, or you dreamt of becoming filthy rich. Or, as Anna Nicole Smith proved, you hoped to marry a shriveling old billionaire and get all, or almost all, his money when he died. Not having anything better to do with her [ahem] considerable intellectual abilities or, probably, not finding any 10 year olds at her mental level, Anna Nicole had no choice but to put herself out on her own reality TV show.

For those who could only dream of being super rich, and did not have Anna Nicole's "assets", salvation lay in the opportunity to become a movie star. To become a movie star, especially if you were of average talent, you needed to get noticed. There were several ways to get noticed, one of the most effective ones being to get on the cover of a magazine, like Playboy, preferably without your clothes on.

Then came TV, actually, "Reality" TV, which gave average Joes and Janes a chance to make themselves more desirable to that Mister or Miss Right who might be out there, somewhere.

How eating cows' intestines or bulls' eyes or lizards' tails on live national TV makes one more desirable is something I still have not figured out. Then I saw that some of these reality TV "stars" - whose names I cannot remember - took the next logical step.

After reality TV they posed for Playboy and I am sure they are now waiting for their movie roles and eventually a chance to meet the heir to some fortune who will fall in love, or lust, with them. Then, magically, they would turn from airheads int heiresses.

At least that is they way the system used to work. But, as we all know, there is always someone who will come along and spoil a perfectly good system.

I must be the last person with high-speed Internet and computer know-how who still has not seen the now famous video clip of the multi-talented Paris Hilton.

On a side note, it did make me wonder. I mean, would it feel strange to have sex with Paris Hilton - at the Paris Hilton? Anyway, I digress.

Back to what Ms. Hilton did. With one insertion, of the video tape, Paris Hilton has shown that it is also possible to go all the way - in reverse. by starting from being an heiress, to a sex-movie star, and now, on to her own reality show. Who knows, maybe being a reality TV show star is what heiresses aspire to be - when they are not busy making sex-tapes.

So, all of you out there lining up for reality TV slots, hoping to use it to become heiresses some day - remember, it works both ways.

Well-heeled heiresses may want to be in your low-rated shows as much as you may want to be in their high-heeled shoes. To remind us of that, we'll always have Paris (Hilton)!

And that, folks, is In My Humble Opinion. This is Imran Anwar, signing off.

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Anonymous said...

Imran, it also appears that I wrote at too great a length and my post/comment was cut off....

Can you add the scintillatingly exciting climax to my earlier attempted post? Thanks -

Tell me then, what is Islam's claim on Jerusalem? I know in Lebanon there
is a Green Line - which as I understand it is the line that divides the
cultivated and profitable lands from those that have been laid waste or
unworked by people who did not invest of themselves in it, for whatever
their reasons or rationalizations. Did the Arab peoples occupying the
Levant make it bloom like a rose? Perhaps I am reading "Westernized"
historical texts? To defend my background, I am well familiar with the
architectural marvels of the amazing underground culverts that carried
water many miles across the lands....and all the things that made the
Islamic culture the leading in the world....for awhile. For whatever
reason - clan in-fighting, politics, I don't know, but like many
civilizations, it waned and was overtaken by others who built upon
many of Islam's innovations. But where the "holiness" and "right" to
lands in Jerusalem? Lands have either gone to those they were given,
to those that were stronger, or in Biblical language, "to the profitable

I am not going into the treatment of Palestinians - while there have been
bad things on both sides, it seems in granting the Palestinians willing to
live in Israel with the right to vote and such, they are/were living and
being given more respect in Israel than by the rest of their Arab brother
who refuse them anything but indentured servant status in their lands.

Not meaning to sling arrows - I just want to know what the Islamic claim
is on temple mount. As you can tell, if it is based solely on a dream, or
the blood spilt there in the years between the tearing down of the Hebrew's
temple and the scattering of the last two tribes, and the return of the
Israeli state in 1948, then I am not likely to buy the justification. I
have no trouble with the peoples sharing the area, but like Mecca and Qom,
Muslims have trouble with that.

JFK once said, "We cannot negotiate with people who say, 'What's mine is mine.
And what's yours is negotiable." That is where Yassir Arafat led his people
wrong. He was given innumberable chances to share and find peace. He wanted
it all. While I have sympathy for the Arab peoples who have suffered under
tyrants and despots, I am trying to develop that same sympathy for them collectively
in not rejecting them much earlier in their histories.

Spared said...

With so many bimbo icons, how can you pick her as the top-seeded player, pardon the pun. Madonna can re-brand because for whatever her flaws, there is substance to her - she is made of many ingredients. She can bake herself into many types of cakes for mass consumption. Paris is more of a single ingredient kinda girl. I won't mention which ingredient I'm thinking of.

IMRAN™ said...

Great comment, spared. Loved the puns. I agree, Madonna has real media substance, Paris is media abuse. OK, just trying a stretch of a pun there. It is pretty ironic to see Playboy doing a nude pictorial of a Paris Hilton LOOKALIKE, when in fact there's far more explicit Paris Hilton video and imagery available online. BUT, you do have to give Paris Hilton credit for putting her money where her mouth is, cashing in every chip, milking it to the last drop.... ok, enough with the bad puns....


Spared said...

So glad you milked that pun dry. Saved me the trouble.

IMRAN™ said...

Thanks. Come again!

Anonymous said...

Paris Hilton is a fine example of what you get when a rich business mogul thinks it's mighty classy to name his daughter after a product.

IMRAN™ said...

Hey, actually, Hilton is HIS last name, and he named her after a CITY. Ironically, FranceS.... you could be a distant cousin... think, Paris, France'S capital. :-)

Anonymous said...

Flashback to the a scene from the past:

"Paris," Mr. Hilton said, proudly repeating his newborn daughter's name for the rest of the board members to hear. "I'm naming her Paris Hilton. The name speaks of originality and class."

"But sir," they interjected, "You still haven't told us what to call our new hotel in France--"

"Paris!" Mr. Hilton answered. "Paris Hilton. The name speaks of originality and class."

IMRAN™ said...

I wonder if his daughter Nicki Hilton is named after the Nicosia, Cyprus Hilton.

Their web page says: "Hilton Cyprus is the only five-star hotel in Nicosia. All 298 rooms offer private balcony. Our Executive Rooms are larger than our Guest Rooms, ...."

I wonder if each room comes with a video camera with night vision capability.