Monday, August 07, 2006

We’ll Always Have Paris (Hilton)

It just seems that our favorite famous-for-being-famous celebrity just cannot stay out of the news. First she could not keep new sex tapes from coming out. For a woman who was recently seen wearing $3 MILLION worth of jewelry, it is amazing that she did not pay her bill for a storage locker and the stuff was auctioned off. But the question is, how many sex tapes does this girl have, that she needs a huge storage locker in a warehouse! I guess her story and her video tapes will remain a timely topic for decades to come.

Yet, Paris Hilton appears more hungry for attention than an Ethiopian refugee starving for food after a decade old-famine. She recently claimed she is the "blonde icon" of our times. Now, don't get me wrong, I love blondes. But, it's bimbos I cannot stand.

So many times Ms. Hilton says or does things that make her appear to be the "bimbo icon" of our times. But, a quick analysis of her antics, and even the timing and constant timeliness of her sex-tapes release (more consistent and reliably scheduled than many Hollywood sequels!) suggests that the girl is anything but a bimbo. She is simply a businesswoman cashing everything in, all the time. She may not have Madonna's ability to "re-brand" or "re-engineer" herself, but, in terms of exploiting her station in life and the short shelf life of most celebrities, especially those created out of scandal, Paris Hilton may be forever. Here's what I think about her story.

Once upon a time - until a few years ago, life was simple. You were either born super-wealthy, or you dreamt of becoming filthy rich. Or, as Anna Nicole Smith proved, you hoped to marry a shriveling old billionaire and get all, or almost all, his money when he died. Not having anything better to do with her [ahem] considerable intellectual abilities or, probably, not finding any 10 year olds at her mental level, Anna Nicole had no choice but to put herself out on her own reality TV show.

For those who could only dream of being super rich, and did not have Anna Nicole's "assets", salvation lay in the opportunity to become a movie star. To become a movie star, especially if you were of average talent, you needed to get noticed. There were several ways to get noticed, one of the most effective ones being to get on the cover of a magazine, like Playboy, preferably without your clothes on.

Then came TV, actually, "Reality" TV, which gave average Joes and Janes a chance to make themselves more desirable to that Mister or Miss Right who might be out there, somewhere.

How eating cows' intestines or bulls' eyes or lizards' tails on live national TV makes one more desirable is something I still have not figured out. Then I saw that some of these reality TV "stars" - whose names I cannot remember - took the next logical step.

After reality TV they posed for Playboy and I am sure they are now waiting for their movie roles and eventually a chance to meet the heir to some fortune who will fall in love, or lust, with them. Then, magically, they would turn from airheads int heiresses.

At least that is they way the system used to work. But, as we all know, there is always someone who will come along and spoil a perfectly good system.

I must be the last person with high-speed Internet and computer know-how who still has not seen the now famous video clip of the multi-talented Paris Hilton.

On a side note, it did make me wonder. I mean, would it feel strange to have sex with Paris Hilton - at the Paris Hilton? Anyway, I digress.

Back to what Ms. Hilton did. With one insertion, of the video tape, Paris Hilton has shown that it is also possible to go all the way - in reverse. by starting from being an heiress, to a sex-movie star, and now, on to her own reality show. Who knows, maybe being a reality TV show star is what heiresses aspire to be - when they are not busy making sex-tapes.

So, all of you out there lining up for reality TV slots, hoping to use it to become heiresses some day - remember, it works both ways.

Well-heeled heiresses may want to be in your low-rated shows as much as you may want to be in their high-heeled shoes. To remind us of that, we'll always have Paris (Hilton)!

And that, folks, is In My Humble Opinion. This is Imran Anwar, signing off.

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