Wednesday, April 26, 2006

War, Films, And The Oscar Goes To...

Admit it. You’ve looked in the mirror and said to yourself, "I really should be in the movies."

Of course, not all of us can get to enjoy that glamorous life, or to enjoy their wealth, fame, fast cars, expensive toys, fancy parties and of course scandals, that movie stars enjoy.

For me, being a Pakistani-born American, the chance of competing directly with Tom Cruise as a mega star is just Mission Impossible. So, what can I do?

Just like everyone else, full of daydreams and a PhD in building castles in the air, I dream of writing incredibly powerful novels or movie scripts. Of course, that leads to the challenge of coming up with some good ideas.

You need colorful characters, weird characters, entertaining characters, characters who can help us lose touch with reality, make us believe what we are seeing on screen is real even though it is all one big lie someone made up.

Where would any of us find such a source of inspiration? Most of us do not have imaginations THAT powerful…. And that is when I realized, where I can get those ideas.

The White House!

Our own government, and politicians, Congress and opposition, Republicans and Democrats, are so much more full of acting and unreal ideas than any movie can be. And, unlike any movie like Rambo or Mission Impossible, where you can run out of themes and ideas… you can never run out of new twists from Washington!

All you have to do is read a newspaper – unless you are the President of the United States, of course. In that case, you get your news directly from God through speaking to Jesus Christ.

Anyway, Just reading the latest news headlines has me thinking of so many angles, so many plots, so many sequels… I am positively excited!

We have seen on the Internet already many spoof posters of STAR WARS showing Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld and Rice in front of IRAQ WARS. I have often joked about President Bush kissing and hugging the King of Saudi Arabia at Brokeback Ranch in Crawford Texas.

But, the real stuff is even more exciting.

These days audiences want so much in a movie. They want action, as we have in Iraq. They want drama, as we have in the White House. They want sex,… well, that would be against family values, unless it’s a department of homeland security boss seducing 13 year old girls.

People want good guys and bad guys, they need a good looking white hero like Bush, they gotta have an obligatory black person in the role of sidekick, like Colin Powerll of Condi Rice, and must have at least one strong woman, either with or against the hero, which Hilary Clinton would love to play.

They need an ugly villain, usually an Arab if you cannot find a generic East-European thug type look, and Bin Laden already took the part.

You need lots of explosions, body parts flying around, cars blowing up, threats, tough language and so much more and Iraq provides that to use every day.

Think of the ideas that come to mind from the headlines I am looking at just now.

Thanks to Bush’s threats against Iran we now have the Iranian Ayatollah, not just their nutjob President, threatening the USA directly. So, Instead of Cowboys and Indians movies, we can have George Bush star in a movie about Cowboys and Iranians.

Rice and Rusmfeld can star in Rice & Rumsfeld’s Excellent Adventure as they visit Iraq. Silent Hill about Hilary not speaking out about the war in Iraq. Scary Movie 4 would come out if Laura Bush or Condi Rice run for President. Bush’s sinking popularity could be inspiration for Poseiden 2. Bush’s global warming policy would, of course, be Ice Age 2, The Meltdown. Hopefully, soon this President’s term will be over and they will all be X-Men.

In Hollywood, you need actors who are moving from movies to real life like the recently resigning White House staff, like Scott Mclellan and Andrew Card, and some moving from TV to movies - like Fox News Channels fair and balanced Tony Snow now going to work at the White House.

You need actors with quick fingers who can shoot guns, like Dick Cheney. I mean, the list goes on…

And it would be all so much fun, even a comedy,… if only the body count in the illegal war in Iraq was not so real, and such a tragedy.

Our government has made up such good stories, scripted so many lies, twisted the plot so many times, presented us with so many false special effects, making so many people believe that what they hear from the government is real, just like a good movie does…. and, like in the song Stairway To Heaven, it makes me wonder,…

Can Bush and his team win an Academy Award for Best Acting, Best Script, Best Explosions, Best Twists and Turns… but, Worst True Movie in the history of the United States. What do you think?

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